Just what I needed.

I'm beginning to think I'm sliding into a "nature photographer" position. Nature is easy. It's still and doesnt break to cry or sneeze. My favorite part is the silence and time out that I get with God.

It's been crazy here latley and I've been fighting depression. I'm going to be so honest and just say it. I'm beat and worn down, I just lost a friend that so much of me no longer wishes to fight for and I'm in need of a minute or two.

But God, man, he just pours blessings all over this family and house and I have seen it. Money coming from no where, opportunities at random, and a job for mom. The last is quite possibly my favorite. While I enjoy my time with Melanie, I know that we're getting bored with each other. I have been making such an attempt to find her a play date, but it's not working. Do I smell?

When I lost my job, for a truly silly reason at 7 months to mention, my heart broke. I loved my job and I was happy. Most importantly, I was good at it. And then It was gone. With it, I lost my confedence and self esteem. What a bummer. But, God... and I'm going to give him all the credit, he saved me.

the next step.

We are trying to get miss Melanie off the beloved bottle. It's a feat. She, I believe, could care less, but we are addicted to how fast she takes her milk down and how simple it is at night. So, In our home, it's completley a crutch. But I'm trying.. okay?

Everyday, once or twice, whenever it comes to mind, I pass her sippy on to her and we try. It's getting easier. I believe... and then she just stops.

"Oh, it's not my bottle, no thank you, but good try, mom"

I'm defeated.

But this afternoon, as I'm sipping my favorite tea, It occurs to me, I know this, my mom prevailed... and so shall I.

So maybe not today, but one day, my little girl will sip her tea and I will be satisfied, knowing that I taught her this.

in a place.

It was a week. We both had a long hard cry.

Not okay.

This week has been a week. The sort of days when even Milano's don't fix it (and believe me, I have tried). I just feel out of place. The life of a housewife is very lonely. Even with my dear Jonesey and Melanie. I just....


But I had a moment. One from all of this, a second of clarity. Call me crazy, but I absolutley heard God. There wasnt much to say but I pulled myself out of this house and went to Pisga to shoot. I just don't stop to smell the flowers often and I could only hear him say, just sit. So, I did and for a minute I took everything in.

Away.

Everytime we leave home I wish we would do so permanently. I don't know if it's the wooing of the sun that captures my heart or the reality of how boring this place is, but I get the itch. The youth in me says pack it up and just go but the mom in me has to research about good schools and the right economy... and I hate her. In the end it's always the same, my husband brings me off my cloud and wispers

                                                                                  one day.

Applying Sunscreen.

I am not so good at keeping up. I woke up one day and Spring just swept me off my feet and put me back down, dizzy. This time of year kills me. I'm frantic to clean the house and obsessive with lists. I love lists. I make them and always have, sometimes for the satisfaction of crossing something simple off. Put clothes on easily becomes Put clothes on. But I love it.

So while I've been list making and not here, I took some pictures that I thought I might share.

sheesh.

I am in the midst of a few things. Motherhood keeps me together. Love keeps me together.

oops.

Where have I been? Life.
I suppose from time to time, I should break from my darling little one and discuss other things but it's hard. I have discovered while I am able to pick up new hobbies I, Madison Jones, was born to be a mom. I love her. In the midst of her though I get lost. I lose sight of being the best wife ever (on all dynamics) and I forget my faith somewhere between the couch cushions. But my husband is ever persistant with me and God is ever gracious and merciful (to name my favorite few verbs for him). From time to time, when I'm in the car... some verse will strike me and I pull whatever I have out of that couch and I hold it to my heart.

.You touched me when no one else wanted to.
.I can't dare to see the man I've been rising up in me again.
.You are who you are, no matter where I am.

The most interesting part of everything is that when I do reach for Him, I also find my husband sitting there, bless his heart, collecting dust... not saying a word. Perhaps I am born to mother my sweet, beautiful Melanie. But I can't help but need my relationship with God and with him is hand in hand, my husband.

somuch.

As a family we have been very occupied. Every single minute I feel like my daughter is discovering something brand new. She is currently in between grabbing her feet and rolling over and I couldn't be more satisfied. Sleeping is getting slightly better (better than we hoped) and I can't help but be proud of the fact that all together, as a family, we have survived these five months.

My greatest love affair.

(please forgive me for my recent fling with picture montages)

I love her. And not like I love blue jello, The Office, all things associated with summer, or even my husband. The way I love her just surpasses all my expectations. I cried the immediate moment I met her. I even cry now seeing other babies being born on tv... just thinking of that moment. It also doesn't hurt that she's exactly what I long to be... SIMPLE.

It's your birthday.

Just a small collection from our outdoor honeymoon. When I look back, I was so miserable... seven months pregnant, in the July heat, sleeping on the ground... but It was also a really fun time.... Katiemae continuously trying to flip the canoe, the big trees, and smores. It's hard to believe it's been almost two years that we've been together and nearly a year as your wife. It's fact though,

I am the lucky one.

Busy.

It's been hectic here. As a family we've seen a heaping dose of fussiness, teethingness, and ugly honesty. It's good for us and it will only make us stronger, but reality is setting in and things can only be the way they are for so long. I am no fan of change. I am just truly becoming aware of it and I find it funny that I cling to God for his consistency and I'm so enthralled with Melanie for her ever changing ways.

We are not going to sleep.

In the beginning we had no clue. While being new parents hasn't been a cake walk, it also hasn't been the worst. Almost all the advice we were given has been proven false for our babe. This has been nice, because now we can see it all for ourselves but it's been frustrating as well looking at our advisers with a face of "we've tried that." Our biggest defeat? Sleep.

Mel loves life. She wants to go. She has no time for nursing. She has no time for green beans, sweet potatoes, or bananas. She has no time for naps, or bath time, or small milestones. She just wants to be up on her feet, seeing her world. A world of Murray and Monkey, of Katiemae kisses, daddy's singing and mom's tickles. We love and share her enthusiasm for her world.. but really... how do you tell a baby that the world has little to offer at 2:45 AM? What a kid.

So she still wakes at night. But there is a small voice of determination inside us that says "tonight". Tonight is different... tonight is the dreaded beginning of a new routine and new ideas and new hope. Here's to sleep, my friends and family. Here's to a mom and dad clinging to the mear idea of sleep. Here's to Melanie sleeping. We are not going to sleep.

An assortment.

Just a few of my favorite pictures so far.
I've been very fortunate in this life. I married an understanding and beautiful man, we had an amazing little girl, and I suppose that our lives wouldn't be as colorful with out our foxhound and cat Katiemae and Murray. It has indeed been an amazing dance.

Away we go.

What a hectic weekend. Sickness followed by warm weather. Robert, Mel, a friend of ours, and I went to Fletcher Park.(of course I forget my camera!)We've(like the rest of the country) have seen so much icky weather that sun was more than welcome... I'm pretty sure the whole town was out and about. Something about warm weather provokes something in me, the sun, the smell of dirt, the yard work, disc golf... something or all of it I lay in and welcome. Here are just some pictures that I thought my husband might be fond of.... He personally is a fan of color as I am a loyal fan to black and white.

baby food.

This is a good time for me. Before Melanie, I worked and worked for nothing. I love being home with her... I love waking up to her and experiencing every giggle and messy moment. With some encouragement from my husband, I decided to give making her food a shot. Honestly, it's one of the most rewarding things yet. We are still all about the jarred stuff, but it's nice to offer her something fresh. I'm also aware this won't last long,as my cooking is awful....for now though.

Welcome.Welcome.Welcome.

I'm new. New and madly in love. My husband is my first love, my faith is my true love, and my daughter is my favorite love.