Just what I needed.

I'm beginning to think I'm sliding into a "nature photographer" position. Nature is easy. It's still and doesnt break to cry or sneeze. My favorite part is the silence and time out that I get with God.

It's been crazy here latley and I've been fighting depression. I'm going to be so honest and just say it. I'm beat and worn down, I just lost a friend that so much of me no longer wishes to fight for and I'm in need of a minute or two.

But God, man, he just pours blessings all over this family and house and I have seen it. Money coming from no where, opportunities at random, and a job for mom. The last is quite possibly my favorite. While I enjoy my time with Melanie, I know that we're getting bored with each other. I have been making such an attempt to find her a play date, but it's not working. Do I smell?

When I lost my job, for a truly silly reason at 7 months to mention, my heart broke. I loved my job and I was happy. Most importantly, I was good at it. And then It was gone. With it, I lost my confedence and self esteem. What a bummer. But, God... and I'm going to give him all the credit, he saved me.

the next step.

We are trying to get miss Melanie off the beloved bottle. It's a feat. She, I believe, could care less, but we are addicted to how fast she takes her milk down and how simple it is at night. So, In our home, it's completley a crutch. But I'm trying.. okay?

Everyday, once or twice, whenever it comes to mind, I pass her sippy on to her and we try. It's getting easier. I believe... and then she just stops.

"Oh, it's not my bottle, no thank you, but good try, mom"

I'm defeated.

But this afternoon, as I'm sipping my favorite tea, It occurs to me, I know this, my mom prevailed... and so shall I.

So maybe not today, but one day, my little girl will sip her tea and I will be satisfied, knowing that I taught her this.

in a place.

It was a week. We both had a long hard cry.

Not okay.

This week has been a week. The sort of days when even Milano's don't fix it (and believe me, I have tried). I just feel out of place. The life of a housewife is very lonely. Even with my dear Jonesey and Melanie. I just....


But I had a moment. One from all of this, a second of clarity. Call me crazy, but I absolutley heard God. There wasnt much to say but I pulled myself out of this house and went to Pisga to shoot. I just don't stop to smell the flowers often and I could only hear him say, just sit. So, I did and for a minute I took everything in.

Away.

Everytime we leave home I wish we would do so permanently. I don't know if it's the wooing of the sun that captures my heart or the reality of how boring this place is, but I get the itch. The youth in me says pack it up and just go but the mom in me has to research about good schools and the right economy... and I hate her. In the end it's always the same, my husband brings me off my cloud and wispers

                                                                                  one day.

Applying Sunscreen.

I am not so good at keeping up. I woke up one day and Spring just swept me off my feet and put me back down, dizzy. This time of year kills me. I'm frantic to clean the house and obsessive with lists. I love lists. I make them and always have, sometimes for the satisfaction of crossing something simple off. Put clothes on easily becomes Put clothes on. But I love it.

So while I've been list making and not here, I took some pictures that I thought I might share.

sheesh.

I am in the midst of a few things. Motherhood keeps me together. Love keeps me together.